In today’s video I want to go over the top 5 tips to stop the fear of judgement from controlling your life. So at the end of this video you’ll exactly understand how to become bulletproof and stop being rejected by others.
My Experience with Judgement
Wherever I went and to whoever I was talking to, I ALWAYS had a strong feeling of people judging me. Because I was rejected many times I always had a feeling of people looking at me, and that they were trying to search for something they could reject.
And having those feelings made me so insecure, shy and anxious that I was one of the most awkward person on the entire planet.
Yes, very awkward. I actually feared judgement so much that I stopped talking, didn’t dare to look people in the eyes and was afraid of seeing groups of people.
And what I want to say with this story is that “you are not alone”. There are many people who are afraid of judgement and I know how difficult your life can be if you feel that social anxiety.
Therefore, I want to give you 5 tips how to overcome the fear of judgement fast.
Step 1: Tribes
The first thing I want you to know is that it is totally normal to have the fear of judgement.
“Why Wouter, tell me why!”
Many years ago, we were living in tribes and were only focussed on one thing.
To avoid rejection and find connection.
This meant that if we got rejected by the other cavemen we would be banned from the tribe, had to hunt for our own food, pick our own berries, try to survive and fight a pack of 12 wolves when we were trying to sleep during the night.
And that is not what we want, right? I mean, we would die! So we are wired to avoid rejection and find connection, because that keeps us safe. And you might wonder:
“Okay, I don’t have to fight wolves anymore.”
But our brain is basically the same as it was thousands of years ago, that primitive instinct is still there, even though it doesn’t matter that much if you got rejected. You don’t live in a tribe anymore and now you go to the supermarket to get your food. But it is still there, so know that it is perfectly fine to feel those fear of judgement, as long as it doesn’t control your life and ruins your interaction with people.
Step 2: I am enough
When you have the fear of judgement there is an interesting thing that happens. You probably don’t feel like you are good enough. You are shy, have low self-esteem or feel not as an equal.
You believe you are too fat, have outspoken clothing, a long nose or a lot of emotional baggage that makes you feel insecure and take all those beliefs with you when you interact with people.
You act like they are perfect human beings when you feel like the Titanic: hitting icebergs, having a whole in the bottom and ready to sink.
But whatever has happened to you and whatever you believe has made you a victim of life… you are completely equal to the other person. You are enough. Don’t you think the other person has many of those problems to?
Don’t you think they also have insecurities? I work a lot with people in this area and believe me: 99% of all the people have insecurities, and some of them are pretty good at covering up what they deal with.
You, are enough. You are good enough, you are equal and you and the other person are in perfect balance.
Step 3: The other person
The third thing I want to tell you is that if it happens that you really get judged by someone, here is what that means.
Let’s say that you got into a relationship with a pretty girl, you and her are happy together and suddenly you are at a party and one of your friends starts to talk with you about relationships.
And this is what he says:
“Oh Wouter, it is so strange that you and her got into a relationship. I don’t think you two fit together, she is too handsome.”
Before you start to throw your cocktails to that person, wait a second. You don’t have to let in that opinion.
It cannot harm you unless you decide to believe it, and to let it in. If someone gives you a present and you don’t accept it, who has the present? What that person is trying to do is to bring you down. Inadequate people can only do two things:
(1) Elevate themselves or
(2) Bring you down.
He tries to balance the status quo because he is looking up to you. He might have terrible relationships and is just jealous and very insecure and that can be a reason for him saying that.
And that makes him more of a victim than you…
Step 4: You are more Mean
The fourth tip you should know about how to overcome the fear of judgement is that you are probably more mean than the person who is judging you. People aren’t actually all that concerned about you, they are more concerned about themselves.
When you are afraid people judge you about your clothing or height, they might do that for a few seconds but then they resume their conversation with each other again. You are probably more mean towards yourself than they could ever be.
Those people can say to each other
“Oh, he is tall.”
While your inner dialogue goes like:
“You see, that person is looking to me all the time, he is angry about, whatever.”
You make more of a point than they do, so please stop bullying yourself all the time, there is no need to.
Step 5: You judge, not them
The fifth thing I want to say to you is that when you are fearful all the time about being judged, the person who is actually judging the most: is you! When you feel like you are judged by others, you are actually judging them, because you think they are judging you.
This is maybe hard to understand, but re-watch this to get the point. What you SHOULD do is to radiate love when you interact with people, instead of radiating fear.
Change the way how you talk to yourself when meeting new people. Instead of saying fearful things, say loving things.
So as a conclusion, understand that you are enough, that you are whole and complete and that you never have to let in criticism and mean opinions. And I hope you know that most of the time people aren’t judging you. And when they are, they are almost never judging you as harshly as you do yourself.
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Wish you an amazing future!