6 Self-Esteem Tips that Changed My Life Forever

These 8 self-esteem tips changed my life forever, and today I’ll share them with you!

1. You can change the past by looking at it differently 

Every single human being is born with high self-esteem. In your first years, you had more self-belief than you ever had, you didn’t take life as seriously as you do today and you were deeply in love with yourself. 

You didn’t look in the mirror to tear yourself apart, but were making funny faces and smiled at the reflection. 

But then things happened to us that made us question ourselves… 

“Am I good enough? Am I beautiful enough? Am I lovable? Am I smart enough? Or is there something fundamentally wrong with me?”

I also asked myself these questions after being bullied for a long time… and sooner or later I started to believe that I wasn’t good enough and that there WAS indeed something fundamentally wrong with me… because why did they pick me?

You know for yourself best what happened in your life that shaped the way you perceive yourself. 

But the best part is that the way you see yourself is never caused by the things that happened to you, but by the meaning, you attached to those situations.

So if we can attach another meaning to what happened, or in other words: give it a different meaning, we can with practice change the way we see ourselves in the present. 

The things that happened to you are facts, but the meaning you gave to them as a young child with a limited view of the world is probably outdated…. 

In the intro I shared what innocent event caused my low self-esteem, and when I was rethinking the meaning of it with my adult mind… I ACTUALLY felt a lot better about myself. 

2. The more you praise yourself, the more self-esteem you build

We all love to receive praise from the people we love. But when we don’t receive any praise, we actually don’t feel that good.

Human beings are like flowers. A seed can never unfold itself in a beautiful flower if there is too much rain and too little sun. It can only radiate its beauty when there is a balance between rain and sunshine, which is something I explain in more depth in my free training about overcoming anxiety.

We often feel like we don’t get enough praise from others, which is the result of a harsh inner critic. We want praise from others because we need to counterbalance our negative inner voice.

The voice that is so self-critical in the hope we perform better in life. 

But like a flower doesn’t blossom when there is too much rain, you can’t be at your best when you are too critical of yourself. 

Getting angry at the flower for not blossoming is therefore actually a silly thing to do. And likewise, getting angry at yourself is not what you need… you need a loving, self-compassionate voice that cheers you up and praises you…

Because then you rely no longer as much on external praise and create the sunshine in your life to blossom as well.

3. Make it harder to fail, easier to succeed

Last month I was extremely anxious and had very low self-esteem. So I was a little helpless and clueless about how it so suddenly happened and what I could do.

When I was younger the first thing, I would do was look outside of myself and try to fix whatever I saw that contributed to my low self-esteem: trying to make more money, finding more friends, getting better clothes or working towards a better body.But now I attached my sense of self-worth to things outside of myself. So, I realized that the key to building self-esteem is to close your eyes and think about the following 2 things.

How easy do I make it for myself to succeed? And how hard do I make it for me to fail?

So I wrote down what caused my low self-esteem and surprisingly it was that I was too much focused on the views of my channel… and I told myself that if achieved a certain number of views THEN I could feel good about myself. 

But I changed the rule from
: If I get 1000 views on each video I am successful… to if I create content consistently to help other people, I am successful.”

I made it easier to succeed and feel good and harder to fail each time. 

So my question to you: how can you make it easier to feel happy and confident and harder for yourself to fail.

anxiety diary

4. Keep a positivity diary 

If I asked you to write down 1 page full of reasons why you are not good enough and why you failed in life, you could do that with great ease.

But if I would ask you to write down a page full of reasons why you are simply amazing… you would struggle.

Why is that so difficult? It’s because we are so tempted to focus on what we lack and don’t do well in the hope we improve what we believe we lack.

I think that you and I both have to clean up our perception of who we are. To focus more on what we are great at instead of what we lack.

So shall we keep a positivity diary? Where do we write down each day what went well?

5. Do the mirror check

Yesterday I saw a video on TikTok where someone said the following:

If someone tells you that you have beautiful eyes… why don’t you believe them? And if someone tells you that you have a beautiful smile… why don’t you believe them? The only way you have ever seen yourself is through your selfie cam or as a reflection… but never through the perspective of someone else. So if someone tells you, you are beautiful… you better believe them.”

This hit me so hard, as I was used to standing in the mirror and tearing apart “just” a reflection.

So next time you stand in the mirror, become aware of how you talk to that reflection… and change it to something positive. And of course: if someone tells you are beautiful… believe them.

6. Allow yourself to feel good about yourself 

Have you ever thought the following?

“If I have this new phone, then I will look cool.”
“If I have a lean and fit body, then I am attractive.”
“Or… if I buy this new item, then I look better.”

Well, I always believed that the first part of the sentence was about how you achieve self-esteem: a new phone, a better body or more friends… but once I realized that it is not the object but my permission and allowance to feel better, my self-esteem no longer depended on things outside of myself… which was a liberating feeling.

So, when you pursue something in the hope you build more self-esteem, understand that it is never the thing that gives you self-esteem, but your allowance to feel confident once you attain it. 

Watch my FREE limited-time Masterclass about freeing yourself from anxiety now.

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About Wouter

Wouter is a mindset coach from The Netherlands. For many years he suffered from depression and anxiety. It gave him the motivation to coach people on freeing themselves from anxiety. With more than 6000 blog visitors a month he helps many people on their journey towards less anxiety.

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